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On our first trip to Aruba, Wayne and I splurged with a private chartered sunset dinner cruise.  The Captain and his wife were the sailing crew as well as butler and chef.   We enjoyed a very leisurely cruise around the northwestern coast, marveling at the blue topaz waters and losing ourselves in the breathtaking sunset.  We spent most of the cruise happily enamored with each other but also took advantage of the sailing time to get to know the Captain and his First Mate better.  They told us how they sold everything they owned to purchase the charter boat and another small sailboat that they used as a houseboat.   It had been a dream of theirs since they met to combine their love of each other, sailing, cooking and people into a thriving business.  What makes this story truly remarkable was that they also had a young daughter.  A small sailboat served as a home for the adventurous threesome.  I could not truly comprehend the notion of giving up all worldly possessions to start over on a dream that has every likelihood of shattering with nothing to show for it.  That fear did not stop this daring couple.  They chose to have faith in their love, their friends, their country and their dream.  

It has been almost ten years since we sailed on the Morning Star, but the experience and their story has stayed with me.  I sometimes close my eyes and think of pulling up anchor on my current life and setting sail to newer, calmer waters.  I imagine being a waitress and bookstore cashier and Wayne working as a mechanic while we live in a small cottage on the sound.  Our boys would have fishing, crabbing, surfing, paddle boarding, and swimming to entertain them.  We would own less but we would possess so much more. 

The notion of starting over is exciting and enticing, but the fear of failure and lost friendships overwhelms me.   The fear wraps my dream up in a bubble and holds it just outside of my reach.  The fear taunts me with the endless “what ifs” and smashes each positive thought against the boulder of reality.  Sigh. 

But I comfort myself by saying “one day”.  One day when all three boys have moved out and have started their own lives, we will do it.  One day, I will have the courage to move away from the familiar and embrace the unknown.  In the meantime, if any of you need a caretaker for your beach/lake home, call me.    

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