I am a little upset with my friends that have been around me for the past five years.  Is there a reason none of you told me that I was completely sheltered as a stay-at-home mom to Luke?  Venturing forth into a “normal” life since Luke started kindergarten has been exhilarating, liberating and down right embarrassing.

Since the boys started school two weeks ago, I have only taken one day to “play”, meaning visits to Panera, Starbucks and Barnes and Noble to partake in my nasty writing habit.  It was during this spoil-me-rotten outing, that I was engaged in conversation with a 40’ish man with an infant.  In the past five years, I have not encountered a single stay-at-home Dad during my many public appearances with Luke. I was quite startled and attempted to nonchalantly answer the Dad’s questions as quietly and friendly as I could.   When it became apparent that I was not going to be allowed to easily escape this social trauma (where in the hell is Luke when I need him????), I found myself nervously looking around for the television cameras and stalker wife.  Then I found myself being compelled to speak to the cooing, smiling baby while drowning out his Dad (discussing political opinions with a complete stranger is on the very top of my personal DO NOT EVER ATTEMPT list).  As I was talking gibberish to this little baby donned only in a onesie, I touched him.  The baby, people, NOT the Dad.  I grabbed his adorable little toe, which made Baby laugh and Dad cringe.  I quickly drew back my hand but realized the sin had been committed.  The Dad continued to stare at my guilty hand as I attempted to hide it under my iPad.  The direction of the conversation changed dramatically as the Dad then began a commentary on the ills of today’s education system and the failings of many parents.   I was being subjected to a lecture of proper child management just because I touched his baby.  Relief coursed through me as I held my watch up for the Dad to see that I HAD to leave so I could pick up my wayward children from school and continue subjecting them to my horrifying and wayward parenting style.  

Why didn’t any of you warn me that I needed to take a refresher course in proper socialization skills before going forth into the world without a child in tow??  I think I will take Luke with me to B&N this coming week and introduce him to the Dad.  Ha!! Won’t he be impressed??  Bet that will teach the Dad to speak to strange women in bookstores!! 

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