Flashing back to eleventh grade, I am sitting in chemistry class trying to focus on Miss Mac’s lesson when I feel a sharp, lightning quick “sting” on my head.  Dave Mercer’s hand appears over my shoulder and waves a single, white hair in my face.  “You’ve got grey hair, Doll!”, he exclaims as he let the hair drop in my lap.  And so the agony of turning grey began … at 16.

Today, I wish it was only a strand or so.  Actually, I could even handle an Elvira-inspired chunk of grey running through my hair.  But alas, that’s not meant to be.  Without coloring my hair at all, I would sadly be 100% grey (well, to be chromatically correct, it would be 100% WHITE).  Even though my Mom has encouraged me over the past 5 or 10 years to just go “natural”, I continue to buy boxes that contain the fountain of youth, at least for my hair.  Of course, I don’t apply them frequently enough, as I procrastinate until Wayne absolutely insists that he can no longer wake up thinking that he is in bed with his mother.  Fortunately for us both, I colored my hair last night.  And for at least 2 weeks, I will look youngish again.

Unless of course I listen to the new Avon commercials about their special age-defying skin creams that can make me look up to 5 years younger in as little as 14 days!!!  WTH??  Only 5 years younger?  Being 37, the thought of looking 32 does absolutely NOTHING for me.  Even if those around me think that I look 48, the thought of looking 43 just doesn’t bring me any tears of joy.  Now if you want me to call my closest Avon rep TODAY, then create a product that will make me look 20 (no matter my true age) and sell it for less than $30 a bottle!  That I would buy … in a heartbeat.

Oh … and if you are feeling poorly about yourself and you just don’t think life could get any worse, go to the Avon website and take their quiz to find your anti-aging skin regimen.  You’ll feel worse, maybe so much so that you will break down and order the $240 products recommended to bring youth and vitality back to your face.  I think I’ll just have my parents keep the boys for the weekend and spend some intimate quality time with Wayne.  Instant vitality for free!